Only a Rogue Knows Read online

  Only a Rogue Knows

  Rebecca Lovell

  COPYRIGHT 2017, 2018 REBECCA LOVELL

  Cover design by Victoria Miller

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to persons living or deceased is unintentional.

  This book is for Tammy Andreson, a wonderful author who offered me the opportunity to work with some truly amazing women that have changed my life. Thank you so much, Tammy. I hope I’m making you proud.

  One

  The thick curtains that covered the window in Cordelia Whittemore’s bedroom made it almost impossible for any light to get through, and that suited her just fine. She didn’t want anyone to see her crying, especially a passing servant. She looked up, clutching her handkerchief, and the image of what she’d just seen came back into her head and started a fresh wave of tears.

  She’d trusted him, and he’d gone and done something like this. They’d hardly been married three months and now she had no idea what she was supposed to do with the rest of her life. Cordelia put her face in her hands. It felt as if she’d never stop crying but she was sure she’d run out of tears if she kept at it long enough.

  “Cordelia!” Her door burst open and Arthur came hurrying through, tucking his neatly pressed white shirt into his pants. “I’m so sorry my dearest, I didn’t intend for you to see that.” She looked away from him, hiding most of her face in shadow. She didn’t want him to see how upset he had made her, but the tears in her voice couldn’t be hidden.

  “How long has this been going on?”

  “Since long before we were married. I didn’t want you to find out this way.” Arthur took a step toward her and she stood up and moved further away. “I’m truly sorry.” Cordelia thought that he was sorrier that he’d been caught, and she didn’t know that she even wanted to forgive him for infidelity, much less infidelity of this sort.

  “I’m sure you are,” she said, gathering enough strength to put a note of ice in her voice. “What am I supposed to do now?”

  “Don’t tell anyone,” he said, his voice almost pleading. “Please. It would kill my father.”

  “You know I could divorce you for this,” Cordelia said, turning her back on him. “And the Court would allow it, as would the Church. It’s considered a mortal sin, Arthur.”

  “I know, and I’m begging you not to. I never wanted to get married in the first place,” he said. “Father said that if I didn’t marry and give him an heir he would disown me. Once he dies, I’ll be Lord Whittemore and we won’t have to worry about him. You can divorce me then if you want.”

  “And if he doesn’t die soon? What then?” Cordelia shook her head. “I can’t believe you would ask something like this of me.”

  “I know,” Arthur said. “It’s not fair to you but there’s nothing else to do about it. If you want to ruin me, then by all means petition for a divorce. You’re right, no one would deny it to you and if that’s what you wish to do I won’t deny you either.” He came around to where she was facing the wall, forcing Cordelia to look at him. She finally turned her face toward him, her jaw set in a way that she knew her own father would be proud of.

  “All right,” she said. “I’ll keep your secret, but I’ll thank you to keep your affairs out of the house. Find somewhere else to take your young men or I really will tell your father about it.”

  “Yes, of course. Whatever you want.” Arthur leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek and she shrank away from him. She couldn’t bring herself to let him kiss her after seeing him with another man. Cheating aside, she’d brought up to believe that it was unnatural and she didn’t know how she’d be able to look at him after this. He didn’t try to kiss her again and she looked away, unable to believe she was agreeing to this. “Thank you, my darling. You won’t regret this. I’ll make sure you have everything you could ever desire.”

  “Mm.” Cordelia kept her face turned away from his and he finally stepped away from her.

  “Well, I suppose I should go visit my father. He’ll be expecting me this evening but there’s nothing wrong with showing up earlier.” Of course not, thought Cordelia. Unless you come home early and find your husband with another man.

  “Be careful,” Cordelia said, trying not to sound irritable. Arthur paused for a moment, then walked out of the room quickly, as if he wanted to leave before she could say anything else to him. Cordelia was relieved. She didn’t want to look at him anymore.

  Once he was gone and the door was closed, Cordelia went and locked it. Then she went back to her place by the window where there was a handsome wooden rocker. She sat down and began to rock back and forth slowly. Her anger at her husband was dissipating and being replaced by a deep sadness.

  She’d brought the chair with her at her mother’s urging and had been dreaming since she was a girl of sitting in the rocker and rocking her baby to sleep. Now that dream looked to have been shattered. If he wasn’t interested in being with a woman, then she didn’t know how they were going to have a baby. The only time they’d come close to making love was on their wedding night and it had taken quite a lot of effort. She’d attributed it to his being nervous and having had a lot to drink but now she knew better.

  Cordelia started to rock faster, focusing on the sliver of light that was coming through the crack in the curtains and not the image of her husband with another man on his knees in front of him. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to get it out of her head. More tears threatened to fall, and she tried to will them away. She’d have to deal with the servants before too long and she didn’t want it to look like she’d been crying. They were all so kind, they’d want to know what was going on and she didn’t want to have to lie to them.

  It suddenly occurred to her that they may have known about this all along. Feeling betrayed by everyone around her, Cordelia sighed heavily and leaned her head back against the chair. She was really stuck now. The longer she stayed in her marriage, the less likely it would be for her to be able to get a divorce. All she could do was hope that her father-in-law would die soon so she could get out of her marriage, and that made her feel even worse. It was a terrible thing to think about someone, even if they had cast her into this marriage.

  I’m well and truly trapped now, she thought. I wish Father had never made this arrangement.

  Two

  “Delia!”

  With her customary grin, Cordelia’s younger sister came rushing through the door past the butler, her hair threatening as always to spill out from beneath the wide-brimmed lavender hat she wore. Bridget Ellison, better known as Birdie to her family, had always been the more exuberant of the two and being the baby of the family their parents had been a bit more lenient with her. As a result, no one could stop Birdie once she was in full swing.

  “Hello, darling,” Cordelia said. Birdie’s enthusiasm was infectious, and she found herself happier than she had been in a week.

  “I’m so happy to see you,” Birdie said, practically throwing herself into her older sister’s arms.

  “You just saw me last week,” Cordelia said laughing as she hugged her sister tightly. Birdie had always looked like a smaller version of her and when they were younger they’d had plenty of people ask if they were twins. Now that they were older there were slight differences in their height and face, but their brown eyes and auburn hair still drew the comparison. Neither woman had minded in the slightest then, and they still didn’t now. “It’s good to see you again, though. To what do I owe the pleasure?”

  “Do I need an excuse to see my sister?” Birdie shook her head. “I just felt like getting away from the mansion for a little while. You hardly ever go out, so I thoug
ht I’d come see you.” She linked her arm through her sister’s and Cordelia couldn’t help smiling. Birdie had always been a take-charge type of girl and she knew the house so well that she didn’t even have to pause as she dragged her sister to the sitting room.

  “How is your husband?” Breaking with tradition, Birdie had gotten married before Cordelia and had been much happier right from the start. General Richard Ellison was almost twenty-five years older than her but it was obvious to anyone who saw them together that he loved her dearly. Birdie had always fallen in love easily and this was no different. The only thing that had changed was that this man loved her back and Cordelia couldn’t help but be a little jealous of her because of it.

  “Richard’s fine,” she said cheerfully. “He’s so busy these days but he told me last night that he’s considering retiring from the navy so we can spend more time together. I told him not to be silly, I’ve got plenty to occupy me looking after Walter and my big sister. Besides, we’re going to start trying for a baby of our own soon.”

  “You are?” Cordelia tried not to sound dejected by this news. If her little sister had a child before her, she wasn’t sure if she’d be able to be as happy for her as she deserved. She was supposed to be the first to marry, the first to have children, and the one to look after her little sister. Somehow they’d switched places and Cordelia didn’t care for it. “What does Walter think about this?”

  “We don’t discuss what goes on in our bedroom with our son,” Birdie laughed. Cordelia felt another stab of jealousy. Walter was Richard’s son from his previous marriage, and Birdie had naturally taken him under her wing as soon as she met him. His mother had passed away some ten years earlier when he was a toddler and he couldn’t quite bring himself to call her Mother yet, but if she knew her sister, she would talk him into it sooner or later. Everyone loved Birdie. “And speaking of what goes on in the bedroom,” Birdie said, looking around to see if any of the servants were listening, “It just so happens that I heard some very interesting gossip about your husband.”

  “Have you?” Alarm bells were going off in Cordelia’s head. When she’d told Arthur to keep it out of the house, she hadn’t considered that he’d just go down to the town to pursue his affairs. They lived out in the country, well away from the small town of Greenley where they got most of their food and other necessities. Cordelia had at least hoped he would go another town or so over to keep up appearances but if the gossip was true, he hadn’t. For someone who’s worried his father will find out about his affairs, he’s taking quite a risk. “I’m sure it’s all nonsense.”

  “I should hope so.” Birdie dragged her into the sitting room and closed the doors behind her. She made as if she was going to lock them and Cordelia sighed with exasperation.

  “Don’t do that, please. You’re acting like we’re telling family secrets in here.”

  “We very well could be,” Birdie fired back. She went to one of the wing-backed chairs and plopped down in it, looking very much like the little girl she had been ten years earlier. They’d long since faded with age and better care, but Cordelia almost felt like she could even see the ghost of her childhood freckles. Cordelia sat down in the chair beside her.

  “All right, what’s this gossip you’re on about?”

  “Well,” Birdie said, leaning in conspiratorially, “I heard down at the notions shop that there are rumors that Arthur has been seen in the company of young men. Multiple young men.” She raised an eyebrow at her sister, who cursed her husband again for being so indiscreet. “And not only that, but they also said that most of them were lower class. Have you heard anything about that?”

  “Of course not,” Cordelia said, hoping she sounded properly indignant. “That’s all a bunch of nonsense and you know it. In fact, you should be ashamed of yourself for repeating it. Arthur and I are very much in love and there’s no way he would be associating with those sorts of people.” She folded her arms over her chest. “Ridiculous.”

  “Maybe it is,” Birdie said with a shrug. “The dressmaker was there as well and she seemed quite sure she’d seen him. You’re both rather well-known in the town, it’s hard to believe she’d make a mistake.”

  “All the more reason this is ridiculous. Even if he were going to have an affair he would hardly do it where everyone knows him.” She shook her head. “Please tell me you didn’t come all the way out here just to spread some silly gossip.”

  “Of course not,” Birdie said. “I was coming out here anyway and thought I’d stop into the notions shop to get some supplies for my lacemaking, and that’s where I overheard the dressmaker talking to Mrs. Beewich.” She opened the bag that Cordelia hadn’t even noticed was over her arm and started taking out a large quantity of thread and a needle.

  “You really should let your servants get those things for you,” Cordelia said, realizing too late just how much she sounded like her mother. Birdie looked at her and grinned.

  “Oh, should I? I think this is far more fun. Otherwise I wouldn’t hear the good gossip. Apart from what I heard about Arthur, which you have assured me is nonsense, I also heard that Emmeline Warwick is pregnant with twins. Can you imagine? Two babies at one time! I don’t even know how a person could do that. I mean, I suppose women do have two breasts---“

  “Bridget Ann Payne!”

  “It’s not Payne anymore,” Bridget said, sticking her tongue out at her sister. She’d been prone to fits of being inappropriate since they were children but sometimes Cordelia couldn’t believe the things that came out of her mouth. She wondered what General Ellison had to say about it. “Anyhow, you never come to see me so the only time I get to see you is if I come out here.”

  “Excuse me,” a quiet voice said at the same time a light knock came on the door to the sitting room. Cordelia gave her sister a look that clearly said she needed to behave, then turned to the door.

  “Come in, Patricia.” The door opened and a young woman in a maid’s uniform came in. She was new to the staff and very pretty, and Cordelia couldn’t help thinking a little bitterly that at least she’d never have to worry about Arthur sleeping with her. “What’s the matter?”

  “Nothing’s the matter, Mrs. Whittemore. I was coming to ask if you and your sister would like tea.”

  “Oh, yes, please,” Birdie said with a smile.

  “Thank you, Patricia. That would be lovely.” The maid bowed her head, then went back out of the room. She closed the door behind her and Cordelia turned back to her sister. “She’s been quite a quick learner. You only need to ask her to do something once and she remembers it for later. I wish all our servants were as good.”

  “Me too,” Birdie said. “Our maid is so old that I think she forgets her own name sometimes.” Birdie picked up the needle and thread and started making a series of complicated knots. Cordelia admired her sister’s ability to work with her hands so deftly when she was hardly paying attention to what she was doing and if she hadn’t been watching her make lace since they were teenagers she could have been distracted staring at her. “So what do you do all the time out here by yourself?”

  “I read, mainly,” Cordelia said. “There’s a nice bookseller in town and I send someone to get me a selection every now and again.”

  “You should take up a hobby,” Birdie said. “Like lacemaking or something like it. You could learn to quilt.” As if to make her point, she made another knot with a flourish. “I can’t wait until I have a daughter so I can teach her how to do this.”

  “I don’t have any talent for that sort of thing,” Cordelia said. “Not like you. You know perfectly well that I’ve always been clumsy with my hands. Mother was so disappointed in me.”

  “That’s not true,” Birdie said. “You used to play the piano, remember? Mother always commented to her friends on how quickly you picked it up. Whyever didn’t you continue with it?”

  “I honestly don’t remember,” Cordelia said. “Something to do with the teacher, maybe?” She frowned slightly
. Something had caused her to stop playing but she couldn’t remember what it was. “I do remember having fun with it, though.”

  “So take it up again,” Birdie said. “I’m sure Arthur would be more than happy to buy you a piano. It would give you something to do and I’m sure you’d be able to pick up where you left off.” She grinned. “With all the free time you have around here you might even be able to learn how to write your own songs. That would be fun.”

  “I’d need a teacher for that,” Cordelia said. “I may be able to figure out the basics myself but I’d have to have someone show me how to do anything complicated. You’re right, though, I’d only have to ask Arthur and I’d have a piano in here the next day.”

  “See? It’s perfect. Have him get a piano and start playing again. Then when you have children you can teach them how to play as well. Music is one of the most wonderful things you can share with a child, you know. Who knows? Maybe one of them could become a composer or famous musician!”

  “That would be nice,” Cordelia said with a smile, even though her stomach had dropped at the mention of having children. “I do remember loving when our house was filled with music.”

  “Then it’s settled,” Birdie said, setting down her lace and reaching over to pick up her sister’s hands. “My sister, the musician.”

  “Don’t be silly, Birdie. I’m hardly a musician yet.” Still, she couldn’t stop thinking about how much she had enjoyed the piano as a child. Something like that would definitely take her mind off things. Arthur’s affairs, which he seemed to be having all over the place with no thought to propriety, their inability to even attempt to have children, and her own loneliness out in the country with no one to talk to but the servants. “I’ll ask Arthur straightaway when he comes home.”

  “Good. Speaking of children,” Birdie said, squeezing her sister’s hands and then letting go of them to work on her lace, “when are you and Arthur going to start trying for them?”